It's not pain women want, toxic men just confuse them, says psychologist

If women had a loyalty card for falling for toxic, brooding male leads, most of us would’ve unlocked platinum status by now. Because no matter how loudly we scream 'red flag!' at the screen, something inside us still leans forward when the hero in Tere Ishk Mein self-destructs poetically, when Kabir Singh storms through the hospital corridor with volcanic rage, or when Animal’s alpha-mayhem Ranbir Kapoor pulls off yet another act that would send a real woman straight to court.

So why do women, smart, self-aware, emotionally evolved women, keep swooning over these walking therapy cases?

Psychologist Afrin Parveen, who has spent years studying human attraction, attachment, and the strange magnetic pull of problematic men (both fictional and, unfortunately, real).

Some people argue that women who fall for toxic men are straight-up masochists in Carrie Bradshaw style, stumbling into chaos with full Wi-Fi signal. But psychologist Afrin Parveen disagrees. “It’s not masochism,” she says. “It’s conditioning and cultural storytelling.” And honestly, she has a point.

Because how did we go from swooning over Rahul Raichand in Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham, a man who wore sherwanis, respected his mother, and loved like a soft cashmere shawl, to thirsting after Kabir Singh, who treated hygiene and emotional stability as optional?

How did we fall from Raj Malhotra of DDLJ, the man who literally asked permission for everything including breathing, to celebrating men who communicate only in growls, glares, and broken furniture?

Somewhere between violin-filled mustard fields and smoky, slow-motion 'alpha' entrances, Bollywood’s romantic genome mutated, and women got caught in the crossfire.

“Women aren’t masochists, they’re just addicted to the arc,” says Parveen

“Women don’t fall for toxic men,” Afrin Parveen says, with the calm authority of someone who has seen enough relationship disasters to write a trilogy.

“They fall for the transformation fantasy. The idea that love can break through emotional walls and turn a wounded man soft.”

Bollywood knows this too well. Give a man trauma + stubble + background music = instant female audience investment.

It’s not the slap, the screaming, or the alcohol that women fall for. It’s the imagined scene where he finally whispers, “I’ve never loved anyone like this



before.”

A pure delusion smoothie. High in emotional sugar, very low in nutrition.

WHY IS THE WOUNDED HERO BASICALLY EMOTIONAL CATNIP?

“Women are biologically wired for empathy and connection,” Parveen explains. “The brooding hero activates a caregiving instinct, not masochism.”

So when women see a man suffering (even if it’s self-inflicted), something ancient and hormonal blinks awake.

Think of it as prehistoric coding. Some women look at Ranbir Kapoor smashing skulls in Animal and think, “Not ideal but maybe he just needs affection, soup, and eight business days of therapy.”

Meanwhile, men watch the same scene and think, “Nice punch.”

CINEMA SELLS TOXICITY LIKE IT'S COVERED IN CHOCOLATE

Let’s be honest, Kabir Singh in real life would be blocked, reported, and handed over to HR.

But Kabir Singh on screen? Cute Arijit Singh’s voice, perfect lighting, and a heroine who forgives faster than Google Chrome refreshes.

“Cinema edits out consequences,” Parveen says. “It shows the passion, the hunger, the vulnerability but never the exhaustion of loving such a person.”

BUT ARE WOMEN BRAINWASHED?

“No. Women aren’t stupid and they aren’t conditioned to like pain,” said Parween. “They’re conditioned to like intensity. And intensity often gets mistaken for love.”

This is why women say things like, “He yells, but at least he feels things deeply.”

The real reason women swoon over toxic heroes is because these stories tickle the imagination. They are forever trapped inside a safe container, the cinema hall, the OTT screen, the 2.5-hour universe where destruction looks romantic.

Women love the fantasy, not the fallout.

“No woman actually wants an ‘Animal.’ They want the illusion of passion without the real-world chaos that comes with it,” said Parveen.

In real life, women want accountability, communication, warmth, partnership, not a man who treats anger like a personality trait.

Finally, Parween explains that women aren’t masochists, they aren’t brainwashed. They’re simply human, craving romance, thrill, narrative, and emotional intensity without real-world damage. And Bollywood gives them exactly that, with better lighting and fewer consequences.